Perspective

     It's been about 2 years too long since I have published a blog post. A lot has happened in these two years. I won't go into the details of all that happened, but I will say the Lord has most definitely been at work in my life throughout the circumstances since my junior year of high school (the last time I wrote I was a junior in high school which is crazy to think about).  A few examples of how my life has changed would be: I graduated high school, started college, changed my major, changed denominations, changed churches twice, had my first serious relationship and breakup, and much more. 
     Through all of these changes I have noticed there has been one consistent factor: discontentment. This is not to say that most of these changes were unneeded. While they were good, I look back at the initial motivation and I see sin--the sin of not being completely satisfied in Jesus.  Matthew 6: 30-33 (HCSB) (Emphasis added)  says this:

"If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t He do much more for you—you of little faith? So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. "   

 By not being content in all the Lord has given me and seeking other things before Him, I am not obeying Jesus's command, and not obeying the Lord is sin. Not only this, but I have been making decisions without first consulting the Lord. James 4:13-17 (HCSB, emphasis added) clearly condemns this:  

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will travel to such and such a city and spend a year there and do business and make a profit.” You don’t even know what tomorrow will bring—what your life will be! For you are like smoke that appears for a little while, then vanishes. Instead, you should say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” But as it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So it is a sin for the person who knows to do what is good and doesn’t do it."

 I am living as if I am sufficient enough to plan and know my future without His guiding hand. I think this is a major reason as to why I now struggle with discontentment. I make these decisions without the complete sureness that comes with the Lord's direction and it has left me wondering if I should be where I am in life, pursuing what I am, and where should I go next. All of this occurred to me over the last few days. The Lord has been teaching me this for a while, but really has been driving it home since Monday. I pulled an all-nighter to study for a midterm on Monday in Hermeneutics after all ready being sleep deprived from a weekend retreat (which was absolutely amazing and completely worth the sleep deprivation). It was really rough especially since I could not go home and take a nap right after, and I found myself complaining about my exhaustion and having to go to classes still. After my last class, I was driving back from school and listening to "Be Thou My Vision", and it hit me. Sometimes I guess it takes sheer exhaustion and weakness before we allow the Lord to break down the barriers of our hearts. The Lord was not my vision or the ruler of my heart! If He was, I would have been praising Him for the opportunity to learn more about Him and His word, for the opportunity to receive an education, and parents who are willing and able to pay for it, rather; I was complaining. I broke down in tears as I was driving, and repented then and there for putting my discontentment over glorifying Him in everything. How wretched a sinner I am to allow the Lord to be removed from the throne of my heart-- to allow my ambitions, my weakness, and the desire for earthly treasures on this temporal Earth to be my heart's vision, my heart's desire, and ruler! That evening, I went home and spent some time with the Lord, and confessed that I had not sought Him first in everything, and I am to try my hardest to do so in all my decisions, wants, ambitions from now on. 

     Riding on the back burner of this is the conviction I have from complaining. While discontentment is the cause of my complaints, I realize this is no excuse for my sinfulness and weakness, as the Bible commands us in Philippians 2:14-15 (HCSB): 

"Do everything without grumbling and arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God who are faultless in a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world."

     I find it interesting how there is a connection between grumbling and arguing, and being blameless and pure. It seems (I haven't done any exegesis on this yet, just a slight disclaimer) that grumbling (complaining) has an effect on our souls, how it affects it I am unsure just yet. However, one might reasonably deduce that since grumbling possibly further deepens dissatisfaction, it, therefore, produces a heart not focusing on the Lord, and is not edifying speech in any shape or form which the Bible warns the believer against in Ephesians 4:29 (ESV):

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

     Oh what a horrible thought...by my complaining I have not been building up, but tearing down. May the Lord continue to give me grace so that I may continue to grow in this area, being one who builds up and gives grace to all those who hear my speech.

     I hope this post has been convicting and encouraging to those who struggle with the same things. I have always found it encouraging to know others struggle with the same things I do so that we can encourage one another, and build one another up. I want to leave you with this excerpt from Philippians 4:12-13 (NASB):

"I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

      In this scripture, Paul tells the church of Philippi the secret of being content in all circumstances: relying on the One who strengthens him. It is my prayer that we all may learn to be content by relying on Him who strengthens us.

INTERnational Overdose Awareness day

Today, August 31st, is International Overdose awareness day. You may be wondering why I keep emphasizing "Inter" by now. The reason is pretty simple, but also extremely sad. The reason is that overdoses have now become a worldwide pandemic. Here are the stats on the picture on the left if you are unable to read them (Please note that all these stats were taken from http://www.overdoseday.com/facts-stats/) :

"• It is estimated that globally there were 183,000 (range: 95,000-226,000) drug-related deaths (mostly overdoses) in 2012, with opioid overdose the largest category.
Source: The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) 2014 World Drug Report.

• Drug overdose was responsible for 41,340 deaths in the US in 2011. US overdose deaths have increased for 12 successive years. In 2011, and for the fourth year in a row, the number of US citizens whose deaths were drug-related exceeded the number of fatalities in road traffic accidents (33,561). Almost five people per hour died of overdose in the US in 2011. More information here.

• In 2012, overdoses in the UK (3,256) exceeded the number of deaths in road accidents (1,832).
Sources: www.ons.gov.uk; www.gro-scotland.gov.uk; www.nisra.gov.uk and www.gov.uk

• Drug fatalities increased in Scotland between 2005 and 2012, from 336 to 581 cases. In 2012, the drug most frequently contributing to overdose was methadone (40%) followed by heroin and/or morphine (38%) and benzodiazepine (34%).
Source: National Records of Scotland.

• In Ontario, Canada, there was a 242% increase in fatal opioid overdoses between 1991 and 2010; from 12.2 deaths per million people to 41.6 deaths per million in 2010. Source: The burden of premature opioid-related mortality, Gomes et al. More.

• It is estimated that more than 70,000 lives were lost to drug overdoses in European Union countries in the first decade of the 21st Century. European Union nations reported 6,100 overdose deaths in 2012.
Source: EMCDDA. Perspectives on Drugs: Preventing overdose deaths in Europe.

• In 2011, the number of people in Estonia whose deaths were drug related (123) exceeded the amount of fatalities caused in road traffic accidents (101).
Source: European Monitoring Centre for Drugs and Drug Addiction (EMCDDA).

• Countries in South America, the Caribbean and Central America reported between 4000 and 7300 drug-related deaths, with a mortality rate well below the global average, according to the The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC)  World Drug Report 2014.

• Drug-related deaths in Asia are tentative because of poor regional coverage and reporting of mortality data. However, it is estimated that there were between 11,400 and 99,600 deaths in 2012 in Asia, according to The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) 2014 World Drug Report.

• Oceania, which includes Australia and New Zealand, has a higher than average drug mortality rate.The UNODC said there were between 1,600 and 1,900 drug-related deaths in 2012.

• Nearly four Australians die every day from overdose. Overdoses out-numbered road fatalities in Australia in 2012. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics overdose deaths totalled 1,427 in 2012, while road deaths, which have been steadily declining, ended the year at 1,338. (Data provided to Penington Institute by Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2014). "

Isn't it sad that overdoses have taken SO many lives? Just how long are we going to sit by, pretend nothing is happening, whilst numerous people--every day-- from all over the world are dying because of overdoses? How many more lives do drugs have to ruin for us to stand up and say "NO MORE!"? When will we finally decide to claim our nations back from the clutches of addiction?

If you or someone you know has had their lives impacted by addiction and/ or an overdose, pop on over and check out this website: www.Overdoseday.com. There you can find ways to support the war against overdoses ranging from donations, volunteering, learning the signs of an OD, to even seeking support if you have an addiction to drugs, and are ready to seek help and actively participate in changing your life for the better.  It's never too late to change, but no one can force anyone else to change. It must come within.

This post is written in honor of my brother Sean M. Arnett who was 21 years old when he fatally overdosed on Heroin.

Iκαρος ( Icarus)

     Hey all, I am most definitely still around even though I haven't published a new post in awhile.  I could go into the mundane details as to why I haven't but I shall spare you ( and myself as well haha) time and brainpower by just touching briefly on the highlights. While I do not know if I am completely healed yet, or if I will ever be, I have definitely had to face a lot of my pain and "skeletons in my closet" since I have last written. During this time of absence I have been through the one year anniversary of Sean's death, numerous arguments with my parents in desperate attempts to try and figure out who I am, I have wondered about and exhausted all the whys, and ultimately have realised that I really am, in many ways, still quite lost.  I guess, for me, writing has always been my way of thinking through and sifting all the gunk out of my mind and life...not only that but I have realized that writing makes it real for me. I have to face the pain straight in the eye and think through it. The simplest way to describe it is while it is very therapeutic for me, it also is very, very painful. I dont want to face the fact that my brother is gone. Nor will I ever want to, though sadly, I can't live in a dream world.  Life isn't like that.  Maybe it is best that it isn't easy to live in a dream world. Reality, while harsh, makes us humble and thankful for the blessings we do have. Have you ever heard of Icarus?  The boy who soared too close to the sun? The Sun's radiance melted the wax, loosed the feathers from their frame, and he fell into the sea to drown. Maybe that ancient tale has more to it than meets the eye....

     What if our struggles make us who we are? What good is a dull knife? What can be cut with shapeless metal? Nothing. What can grow from soil that has not been introduced to a little bit of rain? What is a human without pain...what are we to say if all we have known is joy but no pain? We wouldn't be able to know what joy is without the unpleasant experiences in our past. How would we know just how amazing this gift of salvation is without experiencing the hopelessness human depravity brings? Is not too much of a good thing detrimental? I guess my point is, yeah, I have been through so much and on nights like this, I just want to curl up and shield myself from the world and all the pain it brings...but I am also grateful.  I have not been spending as much time in the presence of the Lord as I should be, in fact, I don't think that I have spent some quality time in His word in months. How wretched I am...how I take for granted this amazing gift of salvation that I so utterly do not deserve. Yet, tonight, I found myself back in the presence of the Lord, back in His word, back thirsting for Him. Pain keeps us from soaring too close to the sun, and ultimately, if payed attention to, can be just what we needed to save us from life's overpowering radiance....

How Far Does It Go?

As Christians, we say every Easter that we believe in Christ, that we trust Him with our lives, both here on Earth and in eternity. We say that we give our lives to follow Him, and that we will trust Him in every aspect of our lives.
    As I sang at two services this sunday, each packed to the brim-- possibly totalling at least 3100+ people-- I was reminded that, probably half these people saying the affirmation of faith just see them as words. Just as words on a paper handed to them as they walked into the sanctuary for one of the three times marking a year's passing. The third and probably last time until the Christmas eve service and possibly one of the Christmas Concerts. All these people say they believe, but just how deep does that belief go? I say I believe, but just how deep does my belief go? Does it go as far deep as a broken heart? As the wound of a sudden jab that reminds me people are not always as they seem? Does it go as far as the hot coals of grief?  Does it combat even the deepest despairs of depression and spar with the sharpest pangs of anxiety with the Sword of the Spirit? Tonight, as I find myself with a wounded heart, I pray so....God provides always...so therefore I know so. It may take some time before I can truly grow to that point in my belief but I know that God will provide with the faith to make it through...
     This past Holy Week has been an interesting one. I have had so many amazing chances to witness, and I also have had a great deal of uncertainty and suspicion in a new, budding relationship of mine (which tonight was just confirmed to be true). So while I am hurt in that aspect, I have hope because I know, in one way, I found out soon enough and was protected from an even deeper wound. God is good even in those seemingly miniscule ways that we don't even notice until we sit back and really appreciate life, the good and bad of it alike. It's when we look at the good and bad alike, it's then we realize just how far our belief goes....

A Year of Change

    This is an old post that I had started writing on New Years eve and didn't ever finish it until now. A friend of mine just found out a good friend of his took his own life unexpectedly today and it has moved me to finish it now.( 2/5/14)
     Sorrow allows us to experience joy. It is a strange thought but really consider it. Sorrow makes the joy in life much sweeter, and if you did not have sorrow, you would not know joy. Joy would be completely indifferent to you. You can not know how sweet the taste of joy is without first experiencing the bitterness of sorrow. More importantly you wouldn't know how good God is, even in the pain. God is good even in the deepest depths of sorrow. He's still sovereign even when we can't see it and we just want to shout at Him, screaming "where are you?" "Why me!!?".
    For awhile that statement, "God is good even in the midst of sorrow" irritated me. How could He be good in this horrible pain? How could He even possibly be good in the midst of so much pain- when everything else was falling apart in my life, including myself- how could He be good  in the midst of so much pain? After all isn't He supposed to be protecting me from it? Isn't He supposed to answer my prayers to take the pain away?
    My answer (*which is not perfect) is a mix of systematic theology and personal reflection.  He's good because He is God and He can not be anything other than good. For Him to not be good would be contrary to His wondrous character. It seems so simple and almost too simple but since God is never changing, always faithful and wise, and never acts in a way contradictory to His character, He can not possibly be a "bad god" or an "unkind god". It is easy to understand this in the context of mere knowledge, yet not easy to apply to our hearts and spiritually understand. Until that is, we experience sorrow,and therefore search Him even more. We then finally realize, to find our joy in Him, all we have to do is just set the gaze of our souls upon Him. He has already persued us with His love this whole time, speaking through both our joy and pain. All we have to do is just listen and let Him in. We will then see His goodness. C.S. Lewis once said, "We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world" Once God shouts to us in our sorrow, we will be so much more attentive to the whispers of His melodious voice in the pleasures of life. The times of joy that He has gifted upon us will be that much more evident because we have the experiences of sorrows to compare them to. Faith is not looking inward and trying to find Him in us, it is looking outward and finding our joy in Him. He's already been there chasing us- all our lives- with His steadfast love and mercy.  All we got to do is remain still and focus on Him.

Spoonfuls

*Another old blog post that I forgot to publish a few weeks back! Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it. *

Hey there!

Goodness, it has been a while since I've written an actual blog post. Needless to say, I've been pretty busy and a lot has happened since my last post.

Humility is, without a doubt, a bitter - sweet gift.  It's the putrid tasting medicine that just a whiff of its smell makes your stomach churn. It's the best kind of medicine at any rate, strong enough to shake man from sinful pride and starts to work within, healing the temple of the heart and fighting the disease rooted in its cells. Sometimes we just need God to plug our nose and shove the spoonfuls of medicine in our mouth. Thankfully, that's happened to me and quite frankly is still. It's good for me though. It maybe quite uncomfortable but I'm learning slowly to accept it. My issue hasnt been an issue of just blatant pridefulness but an issue of letting people in and accepting help when I clearly need it. I thought I could do it all but obviously, I was wrong ha ha.

Before I conclude this post, I want to say that I appreciate your continued prayers and support for my family and I more than y'all will ever know.  Thank you so much. 

Splat

Think for a moment about a little child learning to walk. Usually, when they first start the process, the toddler will get going well, then they get a little too excited and start going too fast, end up going "splat", falling flat on their face.

Today has been a splat day for me. A major splat day.

It seems whenever I start doing well, something happens and I just go splat. All the goshdarn time I end up falling on my  already majorly scuffed face. I am so tired. I feel like today just added to that exponentially.
I've written, erased, and rewritten,
(edited and republished several times) this post up to here about twice now. I want this post to be a good representative of Christianity, not only christianity, but Christianity in the midst of grieving (keeping in mind each person grieves differently) . The first time I wrote this, it was a detailed compliant about today's woes. However I remember as Christians we're not supposed to complain, so I deleted that. Then I wrote about how someone hastily passed a judgement upon a situation that they knew nothing about. Except I remembered, as a Christian we're supposed to love our neighbor, so I erased that. However I do want to say, I don't care who you think you are, you do not have the right to judge me! I am going through so much crap right now and I am just barely making it. Only God reserves the right to judge and right now I'm still trying to figure out what He's doing in my life because I'm falling apart, and I don't understand how He could let this happen. Ive prayed and prayed and prayed and He still hasn't answered my prayers.  I've prayed in His name and He still hasnt. God says whatever we ask in His name, He will grant it to us. Well I'm surely asking and pleading. I'm knocking and the door ain't opening. I do want to say I am not doubting Him but I am certainly searching Him.  I think it is actually a quite healthy part of my faith in a way. Think of it this way, let's say you're going to go bungy jumping, if you don't ever check your harness to make sure it's properly fitted and tightened, and you jump, you're probably going to fall to your death. Therefore, I'm checking my harness. I know the harness is there, but I need to get to know how it works, why it works, etc. I honestly don't know how people can really say they know and trust God, until they have really had to know and trust Him as if they're life depended upon it ( which in all reality it does). So when I have said that I'm wanting to know how God is good in the mess that my life is, etc. that's what I meant.  Thanks for all the facebook messages, texts and concerned friends. I really appreciate how much y'all care about me. Also,  if you have some more feedback that you would like to give to me concerning this topic, post, my blog, any post on this blog, or just my life in general,  please feel free to comment on this post below, on Facebook (send me a message or post on my timeline, etc), text me, send me smoke signals, you name it. I would love to hear from you!  :)

P.S. if anyone knows how to make Google put the correct time stamp on my blog posts, I would love to find out. It's not a big thing but it keeps saying I'm posting the posts three + hours prior to when I actually do.