Think for a moment about a little child learning to walk. Usually, when they first start the process, the toddler will get going well, then they get a little too excited and start going too fast, end up going "splat", falling flat on their face.
Today has been a splat day for me. A major splat day.
It seems whenever I start doing well, something happens and I just go splat. All the goshdarn time I end up falling on my already majorly scuffed face. I am so tired. I feel like today just added to that exponentially.
I've written, erased, and rewritten,
(edited and republished several times) this post up to here about twice now. I want this post to be a good representative of Christianity, not only christianity, but Christianity in the midst of grieving (keeping in mind each person grieves differently) . The first time I wrote this, it was a detailed compliant about today's woes. However I remember as Christians we're not supposed to complain, so I deleted that. Then I wrote about how someone hastily passed a judgement upon a situation that they knew nothing about. Except I remembered, as a Christian we're supposed to love our neighbor, so I erased that. However I do want to say, I don't care who you think you are, you do not have the right to judge me! I am going through so much crap right now and I am just barely making it. Only God reserves the right to judge and right now I'm still trying to figure out what He's doing in my life because I'm falling apart, and I don't understand how He could let this happen. Ive prayed and prayed and prayed and He still hasn't answered my prayers. I've prayed in His name and He still hasnt. God says whatever we ask in His name, He will grant it to us. Well I'm surely asking and pleading. I'm knocking and the door ain't opening. I do want to say I am not doubting Him but I am certainly searching Him. I think it is actually a quite healthy part of my faith in a way. Think of it this way, let's say you're going to go bungy jumping, if you don't ever check your harness to make sure it's properly fitted and tightened, and you jump, you're probably going to fall to your death. Therefore, I'm checking my harness. I know the harness is there, but I need to get to know how it works, why it works, etc. I honestly don't know how people can really say they know and trust God, until they have really had to know and trust Him as if they're life depended upon it ( which in all reality it does). So when I have said that I'm wanting to know how God is good in the mess that my life is, etc. that's what I meant. Thanks for all the facebook messages, texts and concerned friends. I really appreciate how much y'all care about me. Also, if you have some more feedback that you would like to give to me concerning this topic, post, my blog, any post on this blog, or just my life in general, please feel free to comment on this post below, on Facebook (send me a message or post on my timeline, etc), text me, send me smoke signals, you name it. I would love to hear from you! :)
P.S. if anyone knows how to make Google put the correct time stamp on my blog posts, I would love to find out. It's not a big thing but it keeps saying I'm posting the posts three + hours prior to when I actually do.
